Holding on to change.

Recently I’ve been taking in information from different places about change. Change is a constant in our life. Things cannot stay as they are, even if we hold on to them to try to get them to.

It’s a funny thing really. Change. And to be honest I feel that I spend a lot of time reacting to change and having emotions, feelings and judgements about it.

But this morning during my daily visit with 1 Year to Get Rich with Purpose from DailyOM – the topic was forgiveness. What in my financial life do I need to forgive? WHO in my life, financial and otherwise, do I need to forgive?

A side note here – I catch myself sometimes deleting what I said – like  a word or something and then going back and writing exactly what I was going to say in the first place. It’s like theres a part of me that writes and then there’s the part of me that thinks and tries to get involved in the writing. I am very good at not allowing it to be there. I wish to have that mastery in all of life. There is a part that thinks.

A part of us that thinks. That part is very valuable. But that part is not my life. It’s just not. And no matter how many ways I understand that and how many times I learn it I feel I am still grappling with it.

I don’t mind the lifelong journey of grappling and discovering and diving deep into things. But I also want to have some freaking fun mannnnn and I would love things to get better than they are now.

I am remembering Pratima’s words (the Ayurvedic consultant) – she said – you must think “I am happy now. Thank you.”

I want to do that. But when I look around or when I look at my bank account sometimes I’m like…. hmmmmm.

I have been living paycheck to paycheck for as long as I can remember. Even in college in some ways I did that. With loans and scholarships. I had more money back then believe it or not. I graduated with it all spent and then a fking STRONG story of me being an artist and what being an artist means. AKA BEING BROKE.

I have been working to both create that and shake it since. I’ve had so many experiences since then and things have changed quite a lot for me. But I am still in a similar boat financially. And sometimes I just want to get so upset about it. Sometimes I want to sit down and cry and feel sorry for myself. But what happens usually is that feels connected to giving up.

oh my goodness that’s ITTTTT. Because I wonder why I don’t allow myself to experience my emotions, to express them and feel them and let them be there.

There’s a belief in me about how I basically can’t do that because if I feel sad or I allow myself to feel those things I’m giving up on what I want. I’m surrendering to it in a bad way and I’m allowing it to take over. To win. To control me.

I fight that. I fight it. But I have had experiences lately where I don’t and I allow myself to express what I am feeling. Then after some time I feel better and it feels like it’s transformed into something else. The evidence is stacked against me in many of the things I am focusing on right now.

Focusing on wellness, focusing on abundance, focusing on financial independence and prosperity, focusing on building my dream career, focusing on patience and allowing things to be revealed to me. Focusing on where I want to live and what I want to do for work. Mostly focusing on loving and accepting myself and building from the inside out. And healing from love, death and heart break. And maybe… allowing love in again.

Maybe it’s too much focus? LOL. Probably. But what I mean by that is basically when I am working through creating these new beliefs and taking on new ways of viewing the world around me, I feel that I have to measure up against the first 20 something years of my life where I was unconsciously taking EVERYTHING in. So it’s like okay what the hell is in here now and what is actually helping me and what is not?

Sometimes the process of doing that is upsetting because it’s like… shittttt there are so many things that I do not want. THEY DO NOT WORK.

I feel I have so much to say about that. But I also feel that I just need to let that be that.

There are so many things in there that I feel are stacked up against me. I have to be patient. Because I am building from the roots up now. The roots have to dig in deep first before the plants can sprout.

Talk soon,

 

B-

**Photo credit goes to moi. This is my rooftop. Gorgeous really.

This is the middle.

It’s so funny but also not funny how this is the first thing to go. This is the first thing to go when something changes in my life now. I remember I used to rely on writing so much. It was my daily life blood.

When I was about 14 years old – maybe 13 actually – it was my freshman year of high school – my English teacher introduced us to the concept of keeping a daily journal. We were required to as a part of her class. I still feel grateful for her imposition. Since then I have had a love of writing that feels like it has been a part of me from the beginning of time.

From then on I wrote every single day. And I got to the point where I literally recorded EVERYTHING I did that day. That’s what it was at first. It felt like this sacred thing to me to write down everything I did that day. I was concerned at that point in my life that one day I’d forget everything I’ve ever done.

LOL little B. Now I know that I have forgotten a lot of things I’ve done but only consciously. Life is cumulative. So I know that they are all in there. Even the stuff that I don’t want to be in there. This is a time in my life where I am looking at it all and letting it all come up to see which can go and which can stay.

Eventually the writing started to become a little bit more emotional and then more reflective. After a couple of years, I would say that writing became a friend to me. It turned into a diary in a way – like I used to have when I was a child. I kept a diary from the ages of about 9-13ish but not regularly. Only when I wanted to write about a crush or about how my best friend was mean to me lol. But yeah writing became this support system to me. I could go to my writing and allow myself to express my internal world. And I found that if I expressed it in that way then I saw less of it coming out in my external world, if it was something that I was upset about. If it was something that I really felt good about or wanted to happen it allowed me to let things happen and not intervene with too much of a desire. Too much desire has turned to desperation for me in the past and narrow-mindedness. Doesn’t work for me. I know how much the success in my life relies on being flexible and seeing the possibilities.

With extremes in my life the writing stopped. If I went through a period of time where I was feeling extremely bad or even depressed – I would stop writing. That would make it worse.

When things were going great, everything was fantastic and I was loving life – I stopped writing. Then when things turned mediocre again or got kinda bad I’d get back into it because I’d have some painful or sad thing that I needed to express.

A few spurts in my life have included writing morning pages. But it felt like a chore. Even though I felt better afterwards – it really felt like a chore. I can’t have something in my life that feels that way. I am quite a disciplined person but if it starts to feel like a chore I start to become bitter about it.

Now … well now I realize that I have liberated myself and my writing. Recently I did so and since then I have been writing exactly what I want to write again and it feels amazing.

So what happened? Nothing yet. And I am so proud of that because I’ve realized that I experienced a change in my life that made me feel good, made me feel excited, gave me a place to focus my attention and spend my time and my writing slipped.

But I caught it. I got back on track and here I am. I was particularly struck by listening to an episode of the podcast called Almost 30. This episode was one where they had a guest on and the guest was Glennon Doyle.

She wrote a book called Untamed. I cannot wait to read it. I have about 15 other books in my pipeline right now lol so I have to wait. But basically I was so struck by her saying that her readers felt they couldn’t relate to her anymore once she made some major changes in her life. She spoke so clearly and she said (cue the Beezy paraphrasing) – I know they couldn’t relate to me anymore because I was happy. I was the happiest I’ve ever been and they couldn’t relate to that because we (as in society) keep women down. I was blown away by that.

I feel that when I don’t have something sad or so desperately painful or really deep and insightful to write about that I don’t write. But why? Why not write about the beauty and the joy and the gratitude that can be felt in life?

Sometimes I do now in fairness. This platform has received many a word in the different spheres of my life.

I just got hit with SUCH a moment of gratitude. I had always imagined myself sitting in a comfy place looking out at nature with a nice warm drink writing to my heart’s content.

WOW. Here I am. I never thought I’d find it in my hometown but here I am in my apartment kitchen, the window showing a light drizzle outside, so light that I almost thought I was seeing the buzz of energy as opposed to rain, and a nice warm drink beside me. Feeling like this could be my life. And it is my life.

I don’t ever want to stop writing just because I wasn’t paying attention. Not again. That is what happens. I get lost in the emotional wave of life and I stop doing the things that keep me feeling like myself.

I won’t be doing that anymore so long as I can help it. The most wonderful thing that has come out of this COVID-19 pandemic for me is awareness. I have gained so much awareness and a huge sense of what it really and truly feels like to be me. Inside of my body, inside of myself and inside of my life.

I was told yesterday by my Astrology teacher that I have a greater collective purpose. And that there was an agreement between two planets in my chart that they would support me to dream bigger. So there we go.

I honestly do feel that though. It was quite emotional for me to receive her words and realize that they came from something that was written in the stars. So I took that in.

Anytime I have an idea though right – I immediately go to seeing in my head how many people can be affected by it. Like I immediately see myself thinking – omg there are so many people who would love this. So many people who can benefit from this. The whole world needs to see this/experience this/hear this.

And they are strangers. And I love that. Because then they become … well, not strangers. AND I LOVE THAT. To connect with my fellow humans. I feel so connected to you all regardless. I feel safer and happier and more myself writing on here than I would feel writing a letter to a friend in ways. Though I can’t exactly say thats true I just feel that I want to drive the point home that I truly do feel like I can connect with someone whom I’ve never met before. And like that is a part of my purpose.

Sometimes people get let in deeply. And I think in the past I’ve done that too often? I’m not sure actually. But I have the ability to love all and to be in the collective experience of our humanity so deeply that I want to be able to support as many people in that as possible. We support each other you know? I feel that. And I feel compelled to contribute to that actively.

I have had to go through a major grieving process recently. And I am grateful for it. But I am also still a bit sad that it had to happen. Attached one might say.

This month of August is really going to be one for me of allowing myself to see what happens when I make choices from a place of internal, radical, self-love. I’m speaking that now.

And yes, I am studying Astrology and I absolutely love it. I have been testing out reading some of my friends charts with the first couple of layers of information that I know and it has been so exciting. What I love the most is helping people tell their story. I tell mine and then people tell me theirs. That’s the way that life usually goes for me.

And now I have tools to help people tell theirs, to help people understand theirs. I am working on building a way to make that more accessible to people so that I can live in the purest joy of my soul.

I want and hope for everyone to be well. ‘Well’ doesn’t always mean happy in fact it really doesn’t have to do with happiness. Wellness to me means the ability to be true to oneself and accept oneself in as many moments as possible. Ideally every single one. I have relied on many tools in order to transmute that process.

Writing is one of them and has always been. So I must remember that.

Talk soon,

 

B-

 

** Photo credit goes to me. Took this in my town just down the street from my house.

Shame in being different.

The other day I wrote about how I know that I need to do things my own way. Today it hit me that I actually have a lot of shame in that. I harbor a lot of shame about being “different” and so that is in direct opposition to the core of my purpose which is to lead by my own unique example.

What a conundrum lolol. Honestly though what I have been contemplating about today is this idea of feeling shameful for being different. It happened because I have been having quite a hard time with getting through to Unemployment to receive the assistance that I am eligible for since COVID swept the planet.

But honestly – it’s only been hard because I haven’t been doing much about it except waiting and hoping that it will work out for me. Hoping that a system that is not built for something “different” will come around and let me just slide through even though I am “different”. They have regulated the system to include independent contractors like me, but it still has been complicated. I’ve been advised to call a number to apply over the phone and this number leads me to a dead end.

I haven’t spent too much time on actually solving the problem, I’ve just spent loads of time entertaining the false problem. These words are inspired by a Financial mentor of mine called Ramit Sethi. A person can mentor you even though you’ve never met them. This fact has liberated me greatly.

He wrote an email today and in it he discussed the difference between the false problems and the real problems. False problems are basically choices we feel we have to make decisions about that are a “problem” because they prevent us from seeing what is really going on.

So here – my false problem is ‘hmm should I call this number or that number or when should I call so I can get through etc etc.’ When the real problem is that I feel that I don’t deserve this money and I don’t deserve money and so I’m probably not going to get it anyway so it’s not worth the effort of trying.

But this has been a truly interesting experience because this time around I am continuing to do things about it when I find moments of clarity. I am owed this money and am deserving of it. I want it to work out because I can already imagine what I will do with this money when it comes in. So today I called my local representative’s office. And I SPOKE TO A HUMAN holy smokes thank you. It was incredible to speak to a human being who actually gave me a sense of assurance that they have someone who works with them who could actually take a look at what’s going on.

THANK YOU. And guess what – that took 5 minutes. So the false problems – kept me away from the real problem for months. To do this thing that people suggested – 5 minutes. To solve the real problem – I had to accept that “yes I want this money” and “yes I deserve this money” and “yes I will get it.”

Wow. Somehow in my life … actually. I want to take a little spotlight into Human Design right now because I am catching myself in something and I want to call it out. So basically my energy type is that of a Projector – a person who is not meant to work, they are meant to guide. BUT learning about the things I love and doing what lights me up is not considered work so I can do it whenever I want for however long I want as long as I feel like I’m energized about it.

I caught myself today wanting to do a lot and then stopping myself and making a different choice. The choice was actually to sit down here and write. But I am realizing that all of the things I feel like I want to do these days are all things I love. I love learning about Astrology, Human Design, meditation and yoga etc etc etc. So all of the things that I want to work on are things that I am supposed to be working on.

It’s the idea of work. Defining work. And that comes back to the whole being different thing.

Somehow in my life – when I was quite young I feel – I learned that being different was wrong. Very wrong. Because basically you couldn’t fit into the world that way. The world wasn’t made for you. And if you wanted to fit into the world it would be hard if you weren’t willing to change who you were. I get sad pains when I think about it.

Do you ever get sad pains? Like to me that means – I feel so deeply saddened by something that it pains me. It hurts deeply. Very deeply. I felt that around June 1st as well – it was probably technically the 2nd because it was quite late at night. And the whole day of the 2nd of June. When I realized that it was time to break away and properly break away.

I get sad pains when I think about how I learned that this world wasn’t built for me because I was different. That’s how it feels like I put it together at a young age. And then I feel that I proceeded to collect evidence of that for all these years.

Fast forward to today – I have to undo it all. Being left handed is different, being a woman is different, being queer is different, being an artist is different, being a dance artist is different, being an American who doesn’t want to live in America is different, being in my late twenties and living with my parents is different, being me is different.

But we are all different. So why does it feel so shameful for me? To me different = wrong. But only my different. Not everyone else’s different. People actually come into my life because they want to be embraced for their differences and I seem to be able to celebrate that for them and wth them. I am glad that I acknowledge this now. Because shame is something that I feel I was also taught to hide. Even the idea of feeling shame is something that seems like it need to be concealed.

I have had so much shame about my sexuality as well. Because it feels like when I was able to open up to the idea that I am not straight – it came out of nowhere to me. In the sense that I wasn’t expecting that or planning for it to happen at all. But at the same time I was fully doing what I felt was right for me and what I wanted to do at the time.

Until that time came I had no idea I felt so shameful about sex and sexuality. Never mind the fact that my sexuality being fluid was going to bring even deeper shame. What’s so shameful about it? That’s what I am asking myself these days.

I cry a lot about it. I just cry. Deeply. About the fact that I feel there is so much stuff on top of who I am. Stuff on top of what makes me feel good and what I already know to be true about myself. I think that’s why I am so happy about having my piano as well. Sound healing.

Concentration on something that actually brings me to a meditative state. And not in a numbing way the way that scrolling forever can do lol.

I don’t want to feel shame about who I am anymore. And I am sick and tired of not feeling like I can even talk about it or write about it. So this is a blessing. To be at this phase.

I wrote to a friend earlier – sometimes it “gets to me so harddddd to wish that I was back in Ireland”. That is it. I think the shame came flooding in, in droves, when I arrived back to the good old USA and back to my family structure and my family home. When I was there I was free. I was liberated.

Here I don’t feel that way. I am starting to, but the journey has been so deep and has felt intense and also has felt a bit unending. I am actually so glad of it though because if I can do this here then I can do anything I want anywhere LOL.

Yeah.

I love writing so much. It clears away the distractions and also allows me to entertain all the distractions. But still be here. And still do a thing that makes me feel like I can be here.

I love that. I love writing in that way as well. It’s not desperate. It’s flipping poetic and beautiful. The most liberating thing for my writing has been taking that sh*t off Facebook. This blog is connected to nothing.

Brilliant.

Delighted about that. Let me just be here.

I appreciate that very much.

 

Talk soon,

B-

** Photo by Taranis Photography – Diarmaid Ronan – Step Up Repertory Performances 2017

How do we choose?

I want to share a few things that I know about myself. And a few things that I felt I had to be which really don’t suit me.

That’s why I came in here. But I want to start off by saying that there are so many times when I want to just sit down and write and in the past I haven’t done it. That time seems to be over with.

I feel this feeling again like I want to sit down and write whenever and it could come at any moment. What’s even better is that when that feeling comes I actually HONOR IT AND DO IT.

It’s flipping brilliant to feel this way again. I mentioned already how I want to make a list of all of the things I know about myself. Well it’s developing now and it won’t be a list anymore. It’s going to be more like a map. And in this map I will prove to myself how I have always known these things by backing them up with the things I am learning now.

IE. I have always known that I was meant to be a leader in some way – now I can show myself that there is specific information in all of the things I am learning that point to that and then also there are many examples in my life that point to that. So for example one of my main channels in Human Design is the Channel of the Self which is a leadership channel. Leading by example. On top of that I know from looking at my Astrology chart – with so many of my planets in my Sun sign of Scorpio in my 11th house – that in some ways I represent the collective. I am a representation of the whole.

And then there are examples of what I have done to express that you know? Becoming a yoga teacher is one of them. Being a choreographer, starting an internship program. I like to be able to lead with my example of how I am figuring things out in my life. Not because I think my way is the right way, but actually because I KNOW deeply how individual each of our paths are. And I feel that I want to talk about that. Transparently.

Sometimes I write big paragraphs and then I go back and split them up into smaller paragraphs because I have an affinity to small paragraphs. I wonder if that is something that in general that people prefer? To read smaller chunks separated rather than bigger chunks.

It’s a matter of perspective I bet because if they are broken up there are way more paragraphs but each paragraph is smaller. If they aren’t broken up there are way less paragraphs but each paragraph is bigger. At the end of the day it’s the same amount of words.

It’s really so flipping fascinating how many different ways you can view something. And that’s why we all are I think. Each one of us represents a different specific viewpoint on the world.

Yesterday I had such a wonderful day by myself. I played the piano twice. That brought me immense joy. I am so glad I did it. I have forgotten all about the flat tire now because when I go downstairs I have this instrument that I can obsess over and learn as much as I want to about. It’s very exciting. A nice thing to have right now during these strange times…

I have many things that I know about myself. One of the main ones is that I am meant to do things my own way. Literally everything. There might be the one way and then the other way to do something and then there will be a 3rd option – my way.

Sometimes it can be hard because I also love to learn about other people’s experiences to help me figure out how to chart my path.

I wonder this quite often – does everyone really grasp how individual we are? Because I am obsessing over it at times like – wow. I really am on my own here. There is NO prescribed way of life. None. It’s as liberating as it is fearful.

And some days it’s like WOWW I REALLY AM ON MY OWN HERE!!! I can do what I please. There are layers to that but at the simplest form it’s that – we are free to do what we choose. How do we choose?

That’s my flipping obsession lol. HOW DO WE CHOOSE? In my choreographic work – Two Can Do – I keep grappling with this question of choice  – what do we do with it? I want to get rid of it completely. Within the context of Two Can Do that’s what I want to do – I want to get rid of it COMPLETELY. Because I can feel it so deeply – there is this magical feeling that swoops in and takes control of the situation when we both deeply accept, allow and believe. There is some other force that makes the choices. And it keeps us safe whilst allowing us to experience something that we couldn’t have ever imagined what it felt like until we knew what it felt like!

LOL WOW. It’s so amazing. It really goes to show me how I need to let go of any ideas I have about how my life should be because what I deeply and truly want is for life to be more beautiful and true for me than I could ever imagine with my own mind. I have always been a bit skeptical of visualization. I feel like it’s something that feels forced.

But at the same time we are constantly visualizing. That’s what our minds do. So I recognize the value in it because if it’s going to happen anyway then it may as well be beneficial.

Yesterday in Anatomy of the Spirit I read a question that asked me – Do I pray for help with an outcome that I desire or am I able to say “I will do whatever Heaven directs me to do?”

CHOICE. That blew my mind. I get so attached to outcomes even though I tell myself that I don’t and I work away from that. I do not think that I am truly able to say “I will do whatever Heaven directs me to do” because what if it hurts? What if it’s not what I thought I wanted?

WHAT IF IT’S BETTER? What if it’s better, B? This is it. I have a gate in my human design chart – Gate 63 – it’s the Gate of Doubts… I also have a gate – Gate 64 – the Gate of Confusion – so basically I have the ability and gift of seeing all of the possibilities and all of the potential things that might go wrong and then the gift is to see all of that. Apparently that’s a gift LOL but I have to sift through it all to get to some clarity. It can be VERY overwhelming for me. And also I feel I can get stuck there. So it stops me from pondering – well, what if it IS better?

Two Can Do has taught me that – there is something that IS most certainly better – it is liberating, it is joyful, it is alive. It really is so super present and almost magical in its presence.

I want to live like that. All the time.

Talk soon,

 

B-

 

** Photo taken by Erris Burke in Bearna, Galway, Ireland. Heavenly really.

 

 

Every day doesn’t have to sound a certain way.

I feel tired of having to be this person that others think I am.

There’s something that seems to have been learned in me that says – don’t call anyone unless you are in a good mood. And if they call you, make sure you sound happy so you can make them happy.

Oh it can be exhausting at times. And honestly when I am just being in my energy by myself, I don’t really notice if it’s happy, sad or what. It just is. No time, no space, no judgement… just awareness and presence.

I love the time I have by myself. And I love the sound of my voice when I am just talking to myself. I love when I can recognize that it’s me.

The second another person comes into the picture it’s this game of navigation and awareness and energy reading. I am here for it. I am. I also know that this is a part of the human experience. But lots of times I just feel like… okay once I get away from this situation I can be me.

I don’t want to feel like that all the time. Sometimes I remove myself from the situation because I don’t feel right.

Other times I don’t know what to do. Because maybe I am there to learn something.

My meditation practice has been super distracted lately. I can’t seem to be able to focus my mind on any one thing.

I had an Ayurvedic consultation a couple of weeks ago. She came on the screen… I couldn’t see her, I could only hear her lol it was interesting. But she could see me. She told me… you didn’t say anything in your forms about having acne. But I can see it.

I was upset about that. I love my skin, think it looks fine. But now it doesn’t LOL. Anyway she also asked me about yoga and meditation. I am a yoga teacher and I teach a few classes a week on ZOOM. She asked me what kind of yoga I teach. I said Hatha, but I am also very inspired by a teacher who works through yoga asanas from a functional perspective – focusing on the body and the safest ways to enter into postures and create space in the body.

She asked me what kind of meditation I do. I said these days mostly loving kindness. She said this sounds like concentration. She said meditation is “I feel happy now. Thank You.” And you can feel that in anything at all not just sitting down to meditate and ending up concentrating.

The way she said the words “I feel happy now. Thank You.” honestly cut right through me. I can remember it in an instant. Something about the way she said it just really struck me deeply. I have been contemplating that a lot since our conversation.

She also said I cannot have ANY DOUBTS in what I want and I have to be SUPER CLEAR about what I want. WELLLLLLL there are my two biggest problemos people.

What I do know about myself is that these things are not revealed to me through my mind. They are revealed through quieting my mind, through focusing my mind’s attention on something that allows me to access all of the knowledge within.

I sometimes have VERY clear conversations with my guardian angels. Sarah and Lucas. VERY clear and like I mentioned about the beautiful voice of encouragement – similar sentiments through them. They have so much love for me and encouragement. I know that it’s possible to feel that more.

I feel fine today, really fine. But then someone calls me and expects me to be bubbly and bright or whatever – if you expect me to elevate your mood and I don’t – is it right of you to ask me if I’m okay? Or should you be asking yourself if YOU are okay?

This is a lesson I need to take for myself. I can be very quick to ask another person if they are okay because I feel weird around them or in conversation with them. But really I need to ask myself if I am okay. Sometimes I think I do that because I wish that they would ask me if I am okay.

But I learned a fun Human Design fact yesterday about Definition. Definition describes the way that our chakra centers are connected – in a Human Design sense of course. I am single definition and single definition people are able to live in this world as individuals. They don’t need anyone else to complete them. So basically I can take a partner if I love them and I feel good with them but I don’t need any other human being to complete the definition of my centers. They are connected by a steady channel of energy flow.

NOWWWW there is so much wrapped up in my conditioning that prevents me from feeling that way. But I can see by the way I am loving the time by myself – it feels very familiar to me – that things are falling away. It’s not been easy at times and other times it’s been super easy. I am on the journey of releasing what has been conditioned into me that makes me feel like I need others and I can’t just be myself as I am.

So if you call me and you are not okay… it’s not my responsibility to elevate your mood by shifting myself into acting a way that doesn’t feel authentic to me in the moment.

Here’s the sentiment that sticks – If I AM NOT FEELING OKAY, IT IS NOT SOMEONE ELSE’S RESPONSIBILITY TO SHIFT THEMSELVES INTO ACTING A WAY THAT DOESN’T FEEL AUTHENTIC TO THEM IN THE MOMENT JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL OKAY.

Because like I said, when I am alone, I am OKAY with however I feel in every single moment. Sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin, but that means there is judgement or expectation there.

Without judgements and expectations, I am really really okay with how each moment makes me feel. And those moments are increasing, thank the heavens. A lot of that work is being done through actually allowing myself to feel how I feel.

It’s interesting – feeling and expressing feelings. I suppose really what I mean is expressing how I feel. Because I feel it inside – but do you ever feel like when you feel something inside it’s completely a different experience to when you feel something from the inside through to the outside?

ie. I feel upset and I think about it all day vs. I feel upset and I talk out loud about it and I cry or whatever else.

Feels completely different.

I am going to do some spring cleaning today I think. Inspired by the lovely letter I received from a caring friend. And I am going to play my piano today.

Happy for that.

Talk soon,

 

B-

 

* If you’d like to know more about any of the things I’ve chatted about, or my yoga classes, comment below and we can chat!

** Photo taken by me of myself.