I went for a walk today and it took me a lot of time to convince myself to get out there. But once I did it was like someone let the lid off a steaming pot of word stew because I went OFF. Couldn’t stop talking to my pals in the universe.
I knew I was also going to be writing today because I visualized my day and writing was a part of it. But as I was walking to my sacred space, I admitted that I had no idea what I was going to write today. I also admit that as these words come from my finger tips I still have no idea what I am going to write.
So what is an idea then? Conscious or unconscious? Subconscious.
This is what I want to ponder. I made time for pondering last week – 2 hours in the studio. It felt like SUCH a luxury. So I will do it again this week. And I will do it every week – the cost of it will replace the cost of what I was spending previously to do something else dance related.
It makes sense.
Logic is conscious. This is what I think – Logic is conscious and feeling is subconscious.
It’s not only what I think – I have been influenced heavily by a talk I listened to today by the beautiful Marisa Peer.
So she mentioned something about the subconscious mind being the feeling mind.
It stuck. Learning versus transformation – learning is momentary while transformation is forever.
Here is the thing – I think about owning the learning. That is transformation. I spent the past 6 years learning. Now I feel I am transforming. And for this… I am grateful.
I have so many thoughts in a day you see – and I use to just let them go like crazy. But now I am taking charge of them. I am guiding them toward what I want the inner landscape of my mind to be filled with.
So I love everyone. I literally love everyone around me. I always have, but it has happened again – what I used to feel when I was a child. I watched American Idol this evening, first of all… I know someone who would LITERALLY WIN OVER THE HEARTS OF MILLIONS if she got on this show. I don’t know if you can do it if you aren’t from the USA but honestly – if you are reading this… you are a star.
I loved EVERY single person they showed on the show. Like genuinely loved them, just feel like I am in love with humanity again. I want that. I want that in my life because I want to receive that back and I want to make that contribution. It’s just like this – what kind of a contribution do you want to make to the collective energy?
I always think about that – except now I really feel like I understand what it means to act upon what I wish my contribution to be.
It really means cutting out a LOT of bullspit. A lot. A lot of it coming from old thought patterns and habits, wrong beliefs and limited beliefs, victimizing myself in my life, being around people who make me feel less than amazing… so many things.
Life is short. Eat the sprinkles. I wrote this tonight on instagram… but honestly – its like.. if everything in my life isn’t the sprinkles then what can I do about it?
I used to say to an ex of mine – you always have a choice. I don’t know if we ever agreed but I know she remembered it. It sometimes comes up still. We are friends now yes.
Shout out to my exes honestly – I think they are both amazing people. Simply amazing.
So this is what I tell myself:
You always have a choice. You ALWAYS have a choice. Until you don’t.
You can choose what you think. This affects what you see. What you don’t choose is what happens to you when you think something you don’t want to think.
I am focusing on being my best self. And I am working towards daydreaming again. When my day dreams are clear then I know what I need to do. Sundays are the best days for being in love with life. But it’s not only Sundays that allow me to feel that way because now I can feel it inside of me. A love for life that I haven’t quite connected with in a while if only for a few moments.
Ireland helped me feel that way more often. Way more often. What a beautiful place with beautiful people.
Sometimes I sit down here to do this and I know I want to write for you. Sometimes I know I want to write for me.
Today I just feel like … I want to write. I will say this – I have daydreams about being in some beautiful country home, with a cup of tea and a laptop, writing away till my heart’s content. Passing the hours infinitely through the presence of fingertips to keys.
I feel like my writing is for you as much as it is for me. It’s for us. Because it helps me to feel like I am making the contribution that I want to make to this world.
It’s the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae of my life. On a Sunday. Pondering all the while, wondering if I will ever see anyone I know on American Idol.