Mom, I love you.

For as long as I can remember, writing always felt like a really natural and authentic way for me to express myself. I write when I am happy, sad, upset, struggling, joyful, celebrating – I feel that the words come to me to express it all.

Recently I’ve been debating about where the words come from – the heart or the head. Working on that… if anyone has a suggestion or an opinion let me know. And also which is better?

I’ve been scorning my mind lately a bit because it seems I have realized I’ve been neglecting my heart.

But I want to share a piece of my heart with you now.

See that woman in the photo up there? That’s my momma.

She is a human being of stellar strength, tremendous emotional capacity and the most BEAUTIFUL amazing laugh I have EVER heard in my life. She laughs A LOT. I am soooooo grateful for that.

Because you see, though she is stunning and youthful and healthy and joyous and full of laughter – she has been through a tremendous amount of suffering, trauma and mistreatment, lack of emotional support, dishonesty and at times brutality.

I feel that I want to take this moment to honor EVERYTHING she is, because she is amazing, whole, unique, intelligent and she is surviving through some of the toughest things that I can think of for a human being to face in this life we live.

Without sharing too much, because it is not my story to tell … I will just say that all that I admire about this amazing woman:

Mom,

I admire so much how you adapt to new situations and learn new things.

I admire your hunger and desire to learn and to be better.

I admire how you make decisions and stick to them. I also admire how you are starting to allow yourself to change your mind.

I admire how you continue to laugh through all of the crazy things that are going on.

I admire how you chase after things that bring simple pleasures into your life, even if it means the Hallmark Channel LOL.

I admire how fiercely you love us all.

I admire how fiercely you love and protect. People need to understand that. You LOVE.

I admire how you laugh your head off when you realize that you said something completely ridiculous. You are able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously, that’s what that tells me. What a blessing to be able to learn that through your experience.

I admire the way you speak your truth. Consistently. Constantly.

I admire the way you tell people your intentions – you want to SUPPORT PEOPLE. To LIFT THEM UP. I see this. I feel it. Everyone who is in your circle should see it and feel it too and if they don’t it is THEIR LENS not yours that is blurry.

I admire the way you continue to be excellent and pursue excellence in your career.

I admire the way you are able to admit when you don’t know something (even though you may have a hard time admitting when you FORGET things haha!!!)

I admire the way you intend to support and accept me no matter how I act, who I am or what I do. And yes, I admire when you share your opinions about if you think any of those things are nuts lol we are all entitled to our opinion.

 

I feel the need to write this publicly because I feel like it’s time that I call it out. To myself, to everyone who reads this, to the Universe, that I SEE YOU.

I have witnessed and been a part of many things that have impacted your life now. I have seen people say things to you that no one should say to another human being. I have witnessed the impact of people’s dishonesty, hurtful actions and avoidance. I have witnessed you experience the loss of your little brother and the process of helping to support his family through this tragedy.

And in my opinion … knowing you my whole life … I can honestly say that I couldn’t be happier to see you every day, still healthy, here doing your thing. I know you are making your way through the challenges that your life brings and I am damn proud of you ma. And I have your back. I support you. I love you.

You are honestly one of the most amazing people. I know my soul chose you to be my momma and I’m still figuring out all the reasons why, but the thing that makes me the happiest is seeing you have a good life and feel good. I know it doesn’t always feel like things are good, but you deserve the best and it’s been amazing watching you claim that in your own ways.

I love you,

 

B-

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