Every day I want to write now. I have gotten into this lovely habit of writing first thing in the morning. Though I try to fight it, it feels good. I feel like there is a part of me that’s like – how are you giving priority to your mind over your body? The body should come first etc etc.
Maybe it will. Maybe I will get up and get on my mat first and then write after. I am trying to wake up earlier. I am waking now in the 7th hour and I want to get back to waking in the 6th. I’ve read through some Ayurvedic texts that it’s best to wake up between 4-6 am every day. The creative energies and things are supportive of beginning the day. I am not sure if I’ll get there yet but I am definitely working my way back. Especially while the sun is actually up at that hour.
I have also been writing these days without my glasses on and I find that it is affecting my spelling LOL. You won’t see that if you are reading this because basically I will go back and edit it to the best of my abilities. I am pretty meticulous.
This morning in my money course we were asked about forgiveness. How ready do I feel I am to forgive? That was the main question. I have to say when I do what’s right for me I feel completely willing to forgive and even to forget. Yesterday when I wrote about all of those things that were hurting me and weighing on my heart, my day transformed afterwards. I do believe in the power of transmuting energy through action.
I used to think that writing was only a thinking based thing and that’s also why i stopped for a while. But now I know that it’s not, for me. When I sit down to write my fingertips do the talking and I know my mind participates but it genuinely feels like union. It feels like yoking all of the pieces of me together to sit here and get these things out. And what’s funny is that sometimes I know I am getting out lighter layers and other times deeper layers.
Writing that is not coming from my soul with regards to its identity but writing that is coming from my soul with regards to observing my ego and my identity. That’s how it feels. I hope to go as deep as I possibly can. Classic Scorpio LOL.
Casting things into the fire you know? I am doing something a bit wild today. Wild for me. I am making a journey. I have been excited about it and today now that I’ve woken up and it’s the day to do it I feel a bit nervous. But I am doing it.
I am one of those kind of people who needs to learn things through experience. I have to experience things for myself and collect experiences and observations.
I had such a lovely chat with a friend yesterday and she said something to me that struck me. She said something like – I have to look up and realize this is the life I will be living now. Something like that – basically in relation to COVID-19. It’s still quite wild in the US, not necessarily where I am geographically, but we are all a part of the same country and so we are all affected in ways.
But that struck me … this idea of looking and realizing wow this is my life right now. Sometimes it doesn’t hit me like that because I’m too busy living in my head or something else is happening and I want to be somewhere else. Even writing the other day that sometimes I wish I was somewhere other than where I am right now.
I started to feel super empowered over the past day or so – once I started realizing that I can allow myself to dream and imagine and discuss and even make choices about so many things. Many more than I was allowing myself to realize in the low frequency vibration of other days. This is another thing I have learned and know to be true through reading as well.
But have actually learned it in my body now I feel. Low frequency does not attract high frequency. Low frequency energy does not attract high frequency solutions. The process of integration is something that seems to actually happen whether I am consciously aware of it or not.
I realize as well… there is a spectrum of consciousness. Let’s say I have felt called to wake up. And I feel that I have. I can be anywhere on the scale from A-Z … I think its probably more like a circle or spiral but for now I see it this way. And if I’m on step C – it is way easier to go back to A than to keep going forward to Z. Vacillation is what Louise Hay used to call it.
The process of vacillation is the middle. Sticking in the middle and being aware of where exactly in the middle you are seems to be key. When I get down it’s because I feel I’m stuck. In the middle of course. And I want to be at a beginning or an ending. So I create one. But now I am not doing that. I have stayed stuck in the middle of something for quite a long time. And it has naturally transformed and I am now at a bit of a beginning today. I welcome it. I am also a bit afraid of it. But I am doing it.
I feel called to stop now.
** Photo credit – Full Out Creative